I Still Haven't Cried

I don't even want to say the event.

It's like I can't let my mind go there.

The problem is that it's unavoidable.

Everyone's talking or writing about it and I turn away each time.

Because of this I have an underlying feeling of guilt.

I don't want to ignore those little lives, they deserve to be recognized.

I want to cry for them but I just can't.

This has happened before and I know it happens to others.

Many times, when something awful happens, I will try to put myself in that very situation.

I want to know that I would react in the best possible way.

That I would be able to protect my children.

It's like a mental fire drill to ease my mind.

Every time though, my mind stops me before I reach the worst case scenario.

I can only describe it as a subconscious safety mechanism.

I'm sure that's what is happening to me now.

It's just not time to shut off the safety.